Laffy Taffy

My, how the times have changed. I can remember Laffy Taffy from when I was little, and I specifically remember that the wrappers included riddles to keep you occupied while you tried to gnaw through this particularly sticky and viscous mess of candy.

Well, I discovered today that Laffy Taffy is in fact still made, but it’s not really “taffy” anymore, as it’s now sort of a soft, enlarged version of a Starburst but with more of a plasticene flavor. And the riddles that at some point used to bear at least a minor semblance to something entertaining have become pathetically bad.

For instance, here’s a real zinger from Morgan W. of Washington, DC:

Q. What does the sun skate on?
A. Solarblades.

Or this howlingly hilarious one from Amber W. of Owatonna, Minnesota:

Q. Why did the sock monster cross the road?
A. Because it wanted to stink up the whole town.

I don’t really think I need to say anything more about this, except possibly to address the children who sent in these “rib ticklers.” Children, we’re not laughing with you at your jokes. We’re laughing at you (or at least groaning) because of your jokes. That, and your apparent inability to comprehend humor.

—2003